wrigley field is MILF paradise
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
