The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
