Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i came on her dog
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
