You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
