Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
