Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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