I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
