There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Randomize
