I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
