Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
