My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
