Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
