If i come over, it means nothing
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
