Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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