Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I have post one night stand depression
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