hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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