i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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