i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
