Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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