so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Found the puke drawer
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
