you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
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In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
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Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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