You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
