I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
