Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
where are you?
Hypothermia
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
