I think i sorta joined a cult last night
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
