if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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