Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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