Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
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