I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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