getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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