Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
