only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
