you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
