Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
my shit smells like andre
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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