hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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