i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
