Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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