And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
