she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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