apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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