I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
