She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
