Can Purell be used as lube?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
