I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
