Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
dude. I can hear the air.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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