We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
