why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
