I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
