you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
