Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
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You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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