I molested 6 butterflies tonight
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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