a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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