i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
