So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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