Whatcha textin bout Willis?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
