I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
