Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My cat gives me a boner
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
