In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Semen is not good for contacts.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
