he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
