Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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