That's when you crack a 10am beer
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
