She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
