Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
