Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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