I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
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I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
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Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
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