my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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