I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
