I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
