I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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