im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
