Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
