I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
