Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
