My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
