i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
