Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Randomize
